16 Days of Activism against Gender-based Violence 2024: Day 9
Not long ago, a beloved Nigerian celebrity came out with a heart-wrenching story of 'alleged' s*xu*l assault by a pastor—she was barely 16. Years after, now a loving wife and mother, she shared this grueling encounter in a moving interview lending her voice to this cause. A colleague shared the news with me saying the story was almost believable but she must be making it up as in "why now"? Why was she silent all these years even though she had become famous and had a platform? Why now when said pastor has been "blessed" with a large wealthy congregation, etc.
E pain me sha. I tried but I couldn't find the words to explain to her how I knew that this Queen was telling the truth, And I totally understood why she didn't (couldn't) speak out all these years. I didn't know her personally, but I knew.
For women, Gender-based violence (GBV) often leaves the victim in a place of profound silence, fear, and shame. Yet, many survivors eventually break their silence—not days, weeks, or months later, but sometimes years or even decades. To many, this delay might raise doubts. But as you read this, remember: timing does not determine truth. Every survivor who eventually finds their voice deserves to be heard, supported, and protected, no matter how much time has passed. Some, most I dare say, unfortunately never do.
This blog is for you—the ally, the listener, the supporter—because you have the power to make a life-saving difference. Here, I share 9 reasons why survivors may take years to speak out and what you can do to stand with them.
1. They Were Too Young to Understand What Happened
Many survivors of GBV experience violence as children or adolescents. Without the maturity to process the event, they may not even recognize it as abuse until years later. Imagine realizing as an adult that someone stole your safety and innocence. How jaring that would be.
What You Can Do: Be patient and show compassion. Acknowledge that maturity often brings clarity, and respect their courage to finally share their truth.
2. Fear of Not Being Believed
From the start, survivors are often doubted, gaslit, or worse still, blamed. The fear of facing skepticism, in addition to frequently hidden wounds, can feel as harmful as the violence itself.
What You Can Do: Believe them. Avoid questioning their motives or timelines. Say, “I hear you, and I believe you,” and mean it.
3. Cultural, Religious, or Familial Stigma
Cultural norms, familial pressure, religious dogma, and societal expectations can discourage survivors from speaking up. Many are taught to “protect the family name”, “have faith and pray for a change of heart”, or“stay quiet to avoid shame”.
What You Can Do: Challenge harmful societal narratives. Speak out in your own circles about why victims deserve justice and compassion.
4. Trauma Suppression and Dissociative Amnesia (Memory Gaps)
Trauma doesn’t play fair - ever. Survivors often minimize abuse, suppress memories, or struggle with fragmented recollections, which can take years to surface. When I was younger, I had an out-of-body dissociative experience during a traumatic event that required years of holistic and conventional treatment to heal from. Memory gaps are the reason many survivor accounts may differ each time she recounts the same toxic event.
What You Can Do: Educate yourself about trauma and its effects on memory. The internet is your friend. Show grace and empathy as survivors recount their story, even if it unfolds in pieces, and they tell it over and over again (an often missed clinical feature of PTSD).
5. Lack of Safe Spaces
When someone doesn’t feel physically, emotionally, or socially safe, they won’t speak up. For many, this safety might not exist until much later in life.
What You Can Do: Be a safe person. Reassure survivors that their story won’t lead to judgment, retaliation, or exposure they’re not ready for. Support safe spaces like Womens’ Shelters and Domestic Violence Support organizations.
6. Fear of Retaliation
Survivors of GBV often worry about the consequences of speaking out, from losing jobs to facing their abuser’s wrath, often leading to long-term physical disability or even being un*lived. These very valid fears can paralyze them into silence.
What You Can Do: Advocate for laws and systems that protect survivors. If you’re in their immediate circle, help them feel secure by offering support and resources. If you’re the boss or work in HR, speak up for her, be a proactive ally.
7. They Needed to Heal First
Healing is messy and nonlinear. Survivors may spend years processing their pain before they’re ready to share it. Some never do and spend the rest of their lives writhing in the throes of the sequelae of a hauntingly toxic life experience.
What You Can Do: Respect their timeline. Healing isn’t something you can rush or dictate for someone else.
8. They Didn’t Know Their Rights
Many survivors aren’t aware that they have legal and social rights, especially in highly religious and or patriarchal societies. This lack of knowledge can delay their decision to come forward.
What You Can Do: Share information about survivor rights and resources, like local support organizations or legal aid.
9. Empowerment Came Later in Life
For many, it takes decades of personal growth, therapy, financial stability, or finding Supportive Allies to finally feel empowered to share their story.
What You Can Do: Celebrate their courage. Let them know it’s never too late to seek justice or healing.
Why We Must Always Believe, Support, and Assist Survivors
When survivors speak out, they’re not just reclaiming their voice—they’re taking a brave step toward healing and justice. Your belief and support can be the difference between primary and/or secondary (re)traumatization and transformative recovery.
What You Can Do Starting Today
a) Educate Yourself: Learn about GBV, its prevalence, and its impacts.
b) Use Your Voice: Speak out against victim-blaming and harmful stereotypes.
c) Donate or Volunteer: Support local organizations that provide resources for survivors.
d) Listen Without Judgment: Be the person who hears their truth with an open empathetic heart.
When survivors speak, even years later, they’re showing extraordinary courage. Be the kind of person who meets their bravery with belief, action, and unconditional support.
Let’s amplify Survivor voices together --> Share this blog, start a conversation, or reach out to someone who might need your kindness today.
Love,
Dr. Flo
Resources & How You Can Help
🇯🇵🇯🇵🇯🇵 Links for Immediate Assistance in Japan 🇯🇵🇯🇵🇯🇵
If you or someone you know is experiencing gender-based violence, please know that help is available. Below are resources and hotlines you can reach out to in Japan:
House in Emergency of Love and Peace (HELP)
Website: HELP Women’s Shelter Tokyo
Phone: 03-3368-8855
Languages: Japanese and English
Services: An emergency shelter established in 1986 by the Japan Christian Women's Organization (Kyofukai), offering refuge, counseling, and legal services to women and children in need, regardless of nationality.
Kyofukai (Japan Christian Women's Organization)
Address: 2-23-5 Hyakunincho, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan
Phone: 03-3361-0934
Website: KYOFUKAI
Services: Established in 1886, Kyofukai advocates for women's rights and provides counseling on various societal issues, including sexual exploitation and domestic violence.
All Japan Women’s Shelter Network
Website: Shelterasia.org
Services: A network of 67 shelter-running NGOs across Japan
Tokyo English Lifeline (TELL)
Phone: 03-5774-0992 (Lifeline)
Website: www.telljp.com
Services: Offers free, confidential support in English, including mental health services.
Police Emergency Line (English Support Available)
Phone: 110 (state your language for assistance) or ask for "seikatsu anzen"
Tokyo Metropolitan Women’s Consultation Center
Phone: 03-5261-3110
Services: Provides consultation and emergency shelter for women in distress.
Public Counseling Offices
Services: Available in all prefectures. Search "婦人相談所 (Fujin Soudanjo)" + your city or prefecture for local support
Kobans or your local Police Station:
Ask for “Seikatsu Anzen-ka” (生活安全課)
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